Crafting Sentences

Crafting Sentences with Commas

I. Read these mentors and observe the craft. What do you notice about how the sentences are constructed? Write your notes here.

1.       Every day was a happy day, and every night was peaceful. – E. B. White, Charlotte’s Web

2.       Celia says you’re in shock, but I think you’re just lazy. – Nancy Farmer, The House of the Scorpions

3.       I was stretched out on my back, my paws dangling at my sides, thinking nothing more of the meal I’d just eaten and the chocolate I hoped still lie ahead.  – James Howe, The Celery Stalks at Midnight

4.       And she didn’t want to sit next to Frank Pearl, who ate paste, in class. – Megan McDonald, Judy Moody

5.       Intricate mosaic tiles, handpicked by Baba in Isfahan, covered the four floors of the four bathrooms. – Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

6.       Our yellow ranch house, 26 Bobolink Drive, had a garage and a bathroom shower with sliding glass doors. – Wally Lamb, She’s Come Undone

7.       Mom ran the Rise and Walk Thrift Sanctuary, a used-clothing shop in the church basement that operates on donations. – Nancy Osa, Cuba 15

II. How would you incorporate these types of sentences in your own writing?

III. Apply it: Reread your essay. Highlight at least 2 sentences that need revision; perhaps you have run-ons or fragments or too many simple sentences. Rewrite the sentences in your notebook or on your draft: add compound sentences, appositives, and/or other clauses that add descriptions.