Revising Reading Responses

Name: _________________________  Revising Reading Responses

I. Writing the Introduction

The purpose is to engage and interest the reader, establish credibility and trust in the reader, and set up the essay by stating the thesis.

The introduction should include:

1. A strong lead/hook - this is the first 1-3 sentences designed to interest the reader; it must also hint at and set up the thesis. Possible hooks:

• begin with a universal statement or theme to build common ground and show how the issue you are writing about affects all people
• provide startling fact or statistic
• begin with a thought-provoking, relevant quotation from the text you are writing about or from a related source
• describe the main issue or problem you are writing about and why it needs to be addressed
• begin with a valuable personal connection; briefly describe an anecdote or event - tell a story or describe an event, historical or current, that relates to your issue
• use literary devices such as metaphor, symbolism, simile, and/or sensory details

2. Context/background information - provide necessary background information including the title and author of the text; also, briefly explain the text and smoothly connect the lead and claim/thesis

3. Claim/Thesis statement – 1 sentence stating the claim that you will prove in the essay

Revision Task: In your notebook, rewrite your introduction using one of the above hooks.

II. Writing a Body Paragraph

1. Begin with a topic sentence which states the main idea of the entire paragraph and supports the claim.

2. Provide 1-2 sentences of context from the text and set up textual evidence; give background on what is happening in that part of the text and who is speaking.

3. Provide the best textual evidence; provide a relevant quotation that clearly supports and explains the topic sentence. Choose a brief quotation (1-2 sentences) that convinces the reader that your main idea is valid and reasonable.

4. Elaboration: Explain what the quotation means and how it supports the topic sentence and overall claim (2-3 sentences). Follow these guidelines to help you:
1. Analyze and unpack the quotation. What does it mean? How does it support the claim and main idea of the paragraph?
2. Sentence starters to help you connect to the quotation:

                                              i.     This shows, expresses, communicates, proves, makes clear that…because…

                                             ii.     This part makes me think, realize, feel…

                                           iii.     Consequently, as a result, therefore…

5. Concluding sentence: connect back to the topic sentence and evidence; make sure you have made your main idea clear to the reader; begin to transition to the next paragraph

Sample paragraph:
         

          In the beginning of the story, Vince feels ashamed and insecure of his sexuality. This is shown in the way he reacts to Melvin, his fairy godfather: 

The first question I thought of was 'How much trouble is it going to give me to be seen with this guy?' With Butch and his crowd already calling me 'faggot' and 'fruit', walking around with a guy who moved the way Melvin did wasn't going to do anything to improve the situation (5).

Vince is embarrassed to be seen with someone who is gay because he is afraid that he will get bullied even more. This embarrassment reveals that he is insecure about himself and lacks confidence. These feelings are caused by Butch’s repeated harassment which has damaged Vince’s self-esteem. With Melvin's help, Vince is able to reverse this negative attitude.  

Revision Task: In your notebook, rewrite a body paragraph that lacks focus and is not fully developed. Include the 5 elements.

III. Writing the Conclusion

Write 3-5 sentences that shows what you have learned and realized about your claim. Here are some suggestions:

1. Connect to the world and to readers:

• Reading this text has made me realize/understand, lead me to believe, helped me empathize for, think differently about…
• In the real world, ______________ symbolizes/represents…
• This makes me optimistic / hopeful that…

2. Provide suggestions and solutions:

• This text proves that it is essential/important…
• We should, must, need to…
• If we _______, then ___________

3. Connect to relevant, compelling personal experience:

• ___________ and I are similar because…
• While _________, I ____________

4. Final guidelines:

• Make sure your essay goes full circle and connects back to the lead and claim in your introduction.
• Do not begin with simple transitions such as “in conclusion” or “all in all”.
• Make sure your conclusion makes sense and flows.

Revision Task: In your notebook, rewrite the conclusion using 1 of the suggested endings.

Developing an Introduction

1^st write your claim; use your notes, text, synthesis pages, and write a few drafts of your claim. 

Claim/Thesis: Vince changes from being insecure and ashamed of his sexuality to being more confident and accepting of it.

2^nd step: think of the main theme or focus of your claim and develop a hook that relates to it. Here are my examples:

o     A universal statement:

One of the negative effects of being bullied and insulted is having low self-esteem. In the short story “Am I Blue?” by Bruce Coville, Butch physically and verbally hurts Vince by calling him a fruit and a faggot. As a result, Vince feels insecure and ashamed of the possibility of being gay; by the end of the story, he gains confidence and acceptance of himself.

o     A relevant quotation or detail from the text:

Being called a “little fruit” and getting slammed into a puddle is a degrading experience. This is what happens to Vince, the main character of “Am I Blue?” by Bruce Coville. As a result, this character feels insecure and ashamed of the possibility of being gay; by the end of the story, he gains confidence and accepts his sexuality, whatever it may be.

Developing the Conclusion

1^st step: reread the introduction and body paragraphs; go back to the text

2^nd step: choose a style

• Connect to the real world; suggest actions and changes

Unfortunately in reality, there is no real gaydar, and many people spend their entire lives hiding their true sexuality because of fear and intolerance. In the United States, 32 states have legalized gay marriage which shows that our country does not completely accept and respect the love between same-sex couples. While we don’t have fairies, we have voters and politicians who must demand and ensure that all people, regardless of gender, have the right to love the girl of their dreams or their Prince Charming. 

• Connect to something you have experienced or read and know about

Although there are no real fairy godfathers, there are real gay people who get assaulted and killed because of their sexual orientation. In 2013, a gay man, Mark Carson, was taunted and killed by a man in Greenwich Village. I remember being shocked that something like this could happen in the seemingly tolerant city of New York, that it isn’t only in small, rural towns where homosexuals are victims of hate crimes and homophobia. With incidents like this still occurring, it is no wonder that people like Vince are afraid of being gay. Hopefully, our society will become more and more accepting and supportive of all people regardless of their sexuality.